Elections in Malaysia?

Yup, it's confirmed. 8th March. Lotsa things are on the roll and campaigning will be heating up by next week in Malaysia.

This posting may be my last posting on this blog. Having posted here, somewhat irregularly in the recent year, on different topics and issues that had crossed my path, and whose developments had influenced me in some ways, my life had been going through much changes, for better and worse. I am entering a new period of my life, and this period will see more and more changes. I am now in the midst of preparing for something that will be a turning point of my life, whatever the outcome. I am still in the midst of house-keeping, clearing out old things and preparing for better times ahead. This house-cleaning includes things physical and intangible.

Not everything can be easily resolved, and some things may remain a little complicated for awhile. Nonetheless, things will be different from today.

I do hope to start a blog somewhere else, for a new life and new beginning, blogging on issues that are different, yet in some ways, similar to my passions and interest. Somehow, this blog that had been my home for so many years is no longer a place I feel comfortable with. It holds with it many memories of events that had taken place in the last 5 years of my life. As I begin life afresh, I have to lay to rest the past.

For those who had gotten to know me through this blog, I thank you for having come here. The past year had been filled with either silence or rantings of sort. While I use time as an excuse to not to post, it is also somewhat related to this lack of comfort.

I will begin a new blog, somewhere else, under a different name, when I'm more settled into the groove of things. I have no idea where I'll be headed in the next few months, but rest assure, when I can find an anchor somewhere, I will come back with full-force, and return to regular blogging life. If you do find me at that time, may we meet again. It would be serendipity bringing us back together then, as well as the circle of fate.

Adieu

How would you like to be remembered in death?

I've said I would be blogging about my holiday since 31 December last year, and now it's the 1 Feb. I still intend to do it, but that would have to wait for during the Chinese New Year holiday.

I've made a new year resolution for myself to not allow myself to dwell in the insecurity, issues and past grudges. This year (I've decided to consider it an old year based on the Chinese calender), I've witness too many deaths; one of a brother of a good friend, the other is a man whom I've met once perhaps four years ago and knew by his reputation; my pet guinea pig and my aunt's dog. One death was a freak accident whereas three deaths were due to failure of vital organs.

This got me thinking. Last year, I've spent much time in depressing because I over-committed myself to too much work responsibility while failing to fortify myself financially (through the grace of a Higher Being, this was recently rectified) while having to work through tremendous amount of personal issues (it's like facing up to every weak point about yourself at one go, which was overwhelming). I hardly had time for myself to really savour the joy of being alive. If I wasn't battling issues on the personal front, I was having work battles. At the same time, I was also trying to squeeze in time to work on certain applications and longer term plans, which only became clearer early in 2008. Before that, I was drowned in too many things and adjusting myself to too many new things to be able to see beyond my puny nose.

But the signs are clear, through one incident after another. Life must be led to the full and it must be led with happiness and love. It must be one where I can be happy and contented working towards my dream, while not forgetting to continue living.

It is time when I must start reconnecting with old friends, make new friends and start to participate again in activities that I enjoy. At the same time, I should move away from doing too much time-consuming short-term projects which may make me money for now but does not guarantee me satisfaction or happiness. Taking a pay cut, saving up, and tightening the belt in some areas while enjoying one's life is the key. I have had this before in my younger days. I was much poorer, had to really watch my spending and could not do many fancy things (or go to fancy places). Yet, I was much happier and creative in getting what I needed with the limited budget I had. More importantly, I had a great time doing what I loved without being too stressed out over money-earning job, the way I am today. I had better relationships with people (despite my personal short-comings), was less bitchy and certainly more fulfilled. More importantly, I could keep my idealism and my dreams intact because I was not stuck in the grind and mill. I did not allow my own choices or anyone to screw me over, or upset me for more than a few hours at the most.

It is time to return to that time, but with greater maturity and understanding. To be more patient and more savvy in my communication with others (personal and professional). To be able to free up space to start reading and writing things the way I like to do.

Life is too short. People younger and slightly older than me are dying like flies. While there is breath in me, I must strive to experience the best that the world has to offer me, and feel happy even as I face life's challenges.

There are still certain things which requires a lot of thinking and sorting through, but as I begin uncluttering my life, I may be moving closer to my answer than I think.


There is no time for wallowing in the past, even when life throws you a steep curve ball.

How would I want to be remembered when I die? Not for what I am today, but for the better person I will become.

Day of judgment

I haven't had much time to write here lately, despite my new year resolution, due to the amount of writing which I have to do for work (and of course, a lot of number crunching).
I haven't had time to read much either, except this art book which I have bought years ago as a student, but never had time to read until last week. I will talk more about that in a later post.

Today, I want to write about something which had been bothering me for some time. About religion, hypocrisy and acceptable behaviour.

You know what I mean. That feeling that you cannot be yourself for fear of repercussions. The feeling that you are exposed to judgment from those who professes the same faith (for some, it is a faith forced upon them rather than one sincerely embraced), the need to keep up a particular image or appearance and the strong desire to do something that is considered against societal norms, the need to hide that behind a facade and to do that which is acceptable to the majority.

Sometimes, this need to be accceptable may force one to live in denial. It also causes you to build barriers and bigotry around yourselves.

When others confront you with this issue, you explode in anger and deny that this is you.

Sometimes, for many, it is easier to maintain a facade than to rock the boat, especially when rocking the boat may mean social sanction, and worse, death.

Ah, life is an uphill political battle and power struggle!

Clearing up the clutter

Sometimes, you just want to try something different with your life. But you realize that you need to clear up the clutter of previous life in order for you to move forward unhindered.

This is exactly where I am at. Last weekend, I had spent quite a bit of time clearing up the mess I call my room, throwing out things I could not bear to throw away in the past few years, rearranging the furniture (not exactly very conveniently placed at the moment, since the room will be going through renovation) and fixing things I had accidentally destroyed due to my bumbling ways.

This weekend is spent on some last minute work. So, further makeover have to be held up til the following week.

Anyway, it's running late now. So adios for now.

A world of its own

I got back from a great vacation in Bali last Saturday, which was more relaxing rather than active. It was unfortunate also that I fell sick for half of the time I was there, but nonetheless, it was a good place to recover my health. The day breaks early and the night falls quickly. Anyhow, combination of sleep deprivation during the travel period and the need for my body to recuperate saw me fast asleep for 14 hours on Saturday by 7 pm until the following day. Sunday was when I had to catch up on some old job and today is when I have to commence by current 'day' job.

Anyway, now that I am back, I have loads of work to catch up on. I will blog more about my trip later in the evening.

Happy New Year!

It is just a week and a half to Christmas

And so little time, and so much to do. Keeping busy is good. Keeps one in perspective. Keeps on the positive vibe coming in, however downtrodden and battle-weary one might be at times.

And the great part is, I am beginning to read poetry again. I find myself in kindred spirit with poets at the moment. Great poets illustrate life's potholes and murkiness without that maudlin sensitivities.

I am beginning with Philip Larkin. Since I am going for a vacation in Christmas, I will be bringing with me some good, life-changing reading materials. An Indonesian and French poet or two might not be a bad idea, though I don't feel like lugging dictionaries around (and am too poor to afford the electronic version at the moment).

Too bad I couldn't go to the Ubud Literary festival but I still get to go to Ubud.