How would you like to be remembered in death?

I've said I would be blogging about my holiday since 31 December last year, and now it's the 1 Feb. I still intend to do it, but that would have to wait for during the Chinese New Year holiday.

I've made a new year resolution for myself to not allow myself to dwell in the insecurity, issues and past grudges. This year (I've decided to consider it an old year based on the Chinese calender), I've witness too many deaths; one of a brother of a good friend, the other is a man whom I've met once perhaps four years ago and knew by his reputation; my pet guinea pig and my aunt's dog. One death was a freak accident whereas three deaths were due to failure of vital organs.

This got me thinking. Last year, I've spent much time in depressing because I over-committed myself to too much work responsibility while failing to fortify myself financially (through the grace of a Higher Being, this was recently rectified) while having to work through tremendous amount of personal issues (it's like facing up to every weak point about yourself at one go, which was overwhelming). I hardly had time for myself to really savour the joy of being alive. If I wasn't battling issues on the personal front, I was having work battles. At the same time, I was also trying to squeeze in time to work on certain applications and longer term plans, which only became clearer early in 2008. Before that, I was drowned in too many things and adjusting myself to too many new things to be able to see beyond my puny nose.

But the signs are clear, through one incident after another. Life must be led to the full and it must be led with happiness and love. It must be one where I can be happy and contented working towards my dream, while not forgetting to continue living.

It is time when I must start reconnecting with old friends, make new friends and start to participate again in activities that I enjoy. At the same time, I should move away from doing too much time-consuming short-term projects which may make me money for now but does not guarantee me satisfaction or happiness. Taking a pay cut, saving up, and tightening the belt in some areas while enjoying one's life is the key. I have had this before in my younger days. I was much poorer, had to really watch my spending and could not do many fancy things (or go to fancy places). Yet, I was much happier and creative in getting what I needed with the limited budget I had. More importantly, I had a great time doing what I loved without being too stressed out over money-earning job, the way I am today. I had better relationships with people (despite my personal short-comings), was less bitchy and certainly more fulfilled. More importantly, I could keep my idealism and my dreams intact because I was not stuck in the grind and mill. I did not allow my own choices or anyone to screw me over, or upset me for more than a few hours at the most.

It is time to return to that time, but with greater maturity and understanding. To be more patient and more savvy in my communication with others (personal and professional). To be able to free up space to start reading and writing things the way I like to do.

Life is too short. People younger and slightly older than me are dying like flies. While there is breath in me, I must strive to experience the best that the world has to offer me, and feel happy even as I face life's challenges.

There are still certain things which requires a lot of thinking and sorting through, but as I begin uncluttering my life, I may be moving closer to my answer than I think.


There is no time for wallowing in the past, even when life throws you a steep curve ball.

How would I want to be remembered when I die? Not for what I am today, but for the better person I will become.