When he's just not that into you

Yesterday, after a movie with some friends, one of them passed me a book which I was rather intrigued by since I first saw it at a designer bookshop. The title is as given at the top of the blog, written by a staff writer and consultant of the hit tv series, Sex and the City.

I was supposed to start working when I got home, but ended up spending my time reading portions of the book. And I have to recommend it to each and every woman who thinks she's intelligent and has it all figured out, but crumbles at the sight of men (or in her dealings with men)

I can't say I went through the same agonies that many of the women did, not because I am lucky in anyway, just that I have a more black and white perception of things when it comes to many matters, including emotional matters (not that I haven't have agonies, of course I do, who am I kidding!). I may try guessing and reading signals to see if someone likes me (though I have to confess that I am pretty crap at it) but I have never obsessed over details (if I did, I was then a teenager figuring out boys) or sit by the phone and wait for phone calls from would-be suitors. There's too much to do in life, really, that I wish I have more time.

I supposed having had more male than female friends for a long time has kinda taken the mystique of men from me, and I do know exactly how most of them think, even if I don't always agree with that thinking. And I sometimes wish they don't have that kind of thinking. And of course, having too many male buddies can put a dent to your dating life. It's like, I don't enjoy dating all that much I am always communicating with a man already, so it would take someone EXCEPTIONAL and DIFFERENT to capture AND hold my attention for the longer term. But I still like mingling and talking to them, purely for the intellectual exercise.

I was ever only foolish enough about waiting for phone calls from someone I am in a relationship with, but I think I have kinda put that habit out. If he calls, he calls, if he doesn't, his problem.
If he's not into me, there will always be someone else who is (as long as he's not abusive, a creep or an obsessive).

So, if a guy likes you, he likes you. If he doesn't, he doesn't. Don't bother asking for explanation. They wouldn't know how to explain it, and even the most logical explanation always has an element of mystique that is not possible to deconstruct. Forget about enumerating your plus points, or about how well the two of you hit it off. Chances are, if he was interested, he would have showed you in no uncertain terms.

If he doesn't, you can cry a bucketful of tears or threaten to slash your wrist, and he wouldn't like you more. In fact, he probably would distance himself from you.

After reading this book, it kinda make sense what some of my male friends have been telling me subtly about their relationships with women (and men, if they are gay).

Check out http://www.amazon.com/Hes-Just-That-Into-Understanding/dp/068987474X