Little musings on a slow day

Today is a slow day, and the Internet kept going up and down. I just lost a big chunk of what I had written here when I hit the back button. Drat.

I spent most of the time indoor, with the exception of dinner time, when I went out to have a meal of banana leaf rice. In between falling asleep and reading up theoretical works for my thesis, I was catching up on some short stories by a group of American writers. I suggest to everyone who have not, to get a copy of The Oxford Book of American Short Stories edited by Joyce Carol Oates. There, you get to see the various styles of the best of American writers for the last two hundred years. What made them all fantastic were the gripping, beautiful, evocative and imaginative use of words. The most banal becomes sublime.

For a long time, I live half my life imaginatively, within the land of fantasy. Should reality threaten to upheave, the fertility of my thoughts would go into hibernation mode. I remembered, a few years ago, when attempting to study for my Calculus III finales, I found myself building an entire novel in my mind, using conversations and descriptions and vivid images, so much so that I hardly new what of the squiggles on the white sheets had entered into my subconscious. What was worse, I have not even studied much in way of Calculus III prior to that night, and finals was tomorrow. Maybe something did get into my mind, as I managed a C+. That was when I realised that I was not meant to be a mathematician.

AS a physics major, I had to spend a lot of time reading about every aspects of physics. But, I spent even more time reading every aspect of other things, from feminist theories to literature. It seems that I spent most of my hols reading everything, including Literature, except physics. And I love Literature to death, so much so that I did electives in it. I read politics, psychology and other humanity fields, but Literature was always an area that excited me most. Perhaps, I unconsciously realised that I was never going to be a professional physicist. Nor did I think my grades would make me a good one anyway. Maybe that's why I am doing Literature now. Now and then, I still wistfully think about physics.

This is like choosing between two persons, two that you love. You are in love forever and a day with the first person, feeling secure and whole in him or her. Suddenly, someone comes a long and you find your life going into turmoil. Passion ignited and your heart ache. A feeling is kindled that you have not felt before, or have not felt in a long time, or had not felt as strongly. What do you do then? But, you aren't sure if this is a passing fancy, a probably infatuation, or lasting love.

You are not certain...

Petty affairs that preoccupy a petty country

I try to be proud of Malaysia. I am proud of Malaysia as a land but the ongoing drama of pettiness that has become so ingrained in its culture made me want to stick my head in the sand. Oh (blasphemous phrase), looks like we are still very much coolie mentality. The British never left us, they just went and hide and snigger while we all make a fool of ourselves. Wanna know what I mean? Just go look at the country's media (but then, who wants to bother with the pettiness that is Malaysia, right?). Maybe best if you read could check out the letters section of http://www.malaysiakini.com since it's free and you can more or less figure out what's going on from reading the many responses. In a country that likes to believe that it lives by the maxim, "Kepimpinan Melalu Teladan" (Leadership by Example) has turned into a nightmare of "Turutan melalui Paksaan" (Do it or else...)

In a way, I have to feel sorry for the majority of people living in this coconut shell country. They have no idea...

Read this and this and the whole saga on academia (you will find them easily in the letters section).

That said, I've better buckle down and try my best to complete my dissertation as soon as possible to get out of the local ivory tower...arrrgggh


Why should I bother about human rights in this country when a big percentage of the population aren't even humans...

Note from a postcard 3

Lights were lowered, such that one is not distracted by the squashed bodies littering the room, drapping chairs, sofas and floors. Some were quite bohemian, while some are steeped in high-street fashion that is such a rage in Malaysia. This definitely no place to see anyone in folksy garb. Perhaps, when it comes to enjoyment, one will not see a much more multiracial crowd, though mostly speaking the same language. The language of culture, language of communication and language of the body. Curvaceous bodies of wood and plastic, with metal strings, are the stars of the evening, together with their human apparachiks.

Bodies swayed and heads nodded to the rhythm vibrating from the bodaceous neutered creatures, lovingly strummed by men and women, boys and girls. At times, the amplifier threatens to drown out its sometimes mellow and sometimes intense melodies and riffs. Neither whispering heads nor clinking glasses could divert the attention from the performers sitting on the highstool, at the far corner of the room.

The room obeyed the principles of Brownian motion. Bodily vibrations were mostly confined to the occasional jerk when bodies were jammed against each other. The writer wonders about erotic activities that could have been inspired by the penetration of intimate space. Yet, while PV = nRT did not take time into consideration, yet it is probable to plot a graph against the latter, and one would most probably see an exponential decrease between zero and t (where t = time), before plateauing at around 2330.

With the room mostly emptied out, the organisers packed whilst the writer and friends adjourned for supper.


(A review of the first KL Singsong performance launch at La Bodega, Tengkat Tong Shin, KL, on 5th June 2005)

Cliches of life

We have this oft repeated statement that your birth, wedding and death are the three most important events in your life.

For the first, we tend to have very little conscious memory, though by digging through the recesses of our cerebral storage, we might find incidents both pleaasant and unpleasant. I have never cease to marvel at the imprints that incidents can make in your mind, and how a trigger can help you recall a smell, a touch, a taste, a sound.

In our early adulthood and for the rest of our lives, we will be getting invites from friends, acquaintances and strangers. From your twenties onwards, especially between mid twenties to mid thirties, you get an influx of wedding invitations from your peers,sometimes in such abundance that you can choose between going to a church wedding, a wedding dinner, a Malay kenduri and Indian temple ceremony within the space of one day. This of course is also the age when everyone will start asking as to when your turn will be. Perhaps it is great to be married, perhaps it is not. As with every part of life, there are ups and downs, boredom and exhilaration.

Then, you get invited to parties celebrating the various stages of their offsprings' infancy.

As your temple starts greying and you are assailed with various minor ailments that often get blown out. When you start worrying about your cholesterol and blood pressure. When you wish your kids would quickly become independent so that you need not be the tree where money grows on. You start reading about your peers in orbituaries. You begin to get an ever increasing amount of funerals to attend just as the wedding invites peter off, with occasional invites from those a decade or more younger than yourself.


You still get invited to parties celebrating the various stages of their offsprings' infancy. Perhaps you do the same with your children and grandchildren, after you capitulated to the conventions of marriage and popped out kids who go on to have kids of their own. Or you might just eschew the entire institution of marriage and adopt your children (or have them out of wedlock), but then, the flexibility of such arrangements depend on your social and economic circumstance. Or you might choose to lead a life of solitude, spouseless and childless.

The circle of life continues as you grow wrinkled and frail. If you are lucky, the Grim Reaper might decide to come before your earthly body fails you completely.

And then, what?

Malaysians against moral policing

Sign here!
http://www.petitionspot.com/petitions/mamp

Cheers
Clarissa

Freedom of Ideas/Information? Forget it!

I received a post not too long ago regarding the banning of the movie "Sweet Sixteen" by Ken Loach (I have yet to seen it but this incident made me want to watch it more!) because it was construed as highly immoral (though one of the lame excuse given was that the heavily accented Scottish language would not be understood by the Malaysian audience. Yeah right. You think we are all frogs living under the coconut hus, is it?) because of its used of explicit expletives (I love pairing words like these!). This coming from a well known academic (well, at least within Malaysia). They, are supposedly our last bastion of enlightenment. We are living in a dark age indeed.

Also, being a minority member of a Muslim society that is becoming succeedingly rigid (it stupefies and worry me that the people who might one day change a progressive thinking society into the bastion of Jumud . Best way to explain this is that it means ignorance and regression into the dark age and has its origin in Arabic) regressivity and probable repression are actually of my own age, some younger, some slightly older. I have actually met some of them, and they personally seemed rather nice. I am sure most people are rather nice, until you attack their ideologies.

Many of the discussions happening tend to happen in the Malay language, so an outsider exploring might not be aware of all that is going on. It seems that many equate liberal interpretation of Islam with hedonism. While I would shy with overly extreme interpretation of any religion, regardless of which end of the spectrum their veer towards, one must realise that there is no way that one can actually no the actual intention of the founder to the dot. We can only approach as close as possible. And as the religion travels through time, there would have been certain amount of additions and deletions to the knowledge, though I know that I would be crucified for saying this by the religion I belong to.

Yet religion shapes the very core of a person's being, so when that gets challenged, they will rise and close ranks to protect themselves from the infidels and the polluters. I wish I have something more substantial to contribute now, but being in the throes of much confusion and needing time to sort it out, I could only offer such generalised views. Perhaps I might be able to say something more cogent a few months from now. One hopes.

In the meantime, keep adding to my comment box. I feel really lonely, you know (:
And ongoing debate that never wanes is that of moral policing. Somehow, this has to do with the need for power. Perhaps it is high time I should read The Prince properly. But I have got another controversial religious scholar to read now. And yes, my ever-unfinished thesis to do :(

More links on POD

http://www.sfwa.org/beware/printondemand.html
http://www.booksandtales.com/podframeo.htm

Haven't gotten around to looking through them all yet, but will do so later.


Cheers!

Best-selling books.

This is for those who make it their business to know the provenance for future best-sellers. Surfers and lurkers are welcome to browse.

http://bookpagebuzz.blogspot.com/

And a newspaper article about a Cambridge student who wrote her first novel while still doing A-levels (The Icarus Girl).

I actually read about it last year but forgot to blog it down, so here is a rather late entry.

AS I have discussed in my earlier postings, I think there are many interesting tales to be told at a local level that could excite an international audience. One needs to know one's audience, the right publisher and most importantly, maybe the right agent?
I've surfed to many sites belong to publishing houses and I can assure you that no big publishing house worth its salt would take on an unrepresented author, unless if you are planning on academic monographs or you are a close kin of the publisher?

And something more recent. I have seen many articles in Malaysian newspapers (I apologise to my international readers who might not care) touting the latest fad in POD (Print on Demand) publishing. Before that, was E-book publishing as a cost-cutting measure for people desperate to get books out (though some established authors have had their books reprinted as an e-book. I know because I'd be asked if I wanted to review e-books published by a big publishing house. Apparently, most book reviewers didn't like that idea). Somehow, I was rather skeptical as to the whole process. With so many books needing my attention, would I want to buy a book promoted by an unknown author when I am inundated with not-so-good books published by major publishing houses (this is my take as a book reviewer). Somehow, I am old-fashion in the sense that by not going through the editorial process, one might somehow end up with an inferior ware. Not every author is born a Virginia Woolf, and even she has her misses.

Anyhow, two articles on E-Publishing and POD might be of interest in light of the above discussion. Somehow, in some ways, POD books just a stone throw away from vanity publishing (or perhaps adjacent to?). However, the concept of printing books on demand might work for more academic or avant garde works that might not find a ready receptive audience. However, I believe it needs to go hand-in-hand with old fashion reviewing and editing. Meaning, find probable subscribers (or reviewers) for the first print run (wasn't that what they used to do in bygone days?), with some extras for just-in-case, then gauge from there and print more in the next runs. But, working in the production line of publishing, I do realise that it can be more cost-effective to sometimes print in bulk, especially paperbacks.


Any takes on this?

Human cyborg?

It all started with http://202.186.86.35/services/printerfriendly.asp?file=/2005/5/13/nation/10943441.asp&sec=nation

So I did a search and unearth plenty of information about this man who wants to be in one (sync, harmony, ) with his computer.

The scientist in me tells me that I should be both excited and sceptical about this. The wanting to realise the pomo (oops, I mean postmodern) dream of syncing the human as being a gentic makeup of ideas with the greatest human creation (well, maybe not that great) sounds like a wet dream to all hardcore nanotechnologists. But of course, there are many sceptics, and I wonder that if he really is a step closer to finding the ultimate cure for Parkinson, why isn't this being shared more widely?

Remember the 'Bad Science' column run by The Guardian? Well, I do wonder if anyone has posted anything on this. Here are some news from Wired


Anyhow, you can always google for it (see, a trademark that has become a ubiquitous verb) yourself. I have captured a link for you under note it. Also, check out http://www.disinfo.com/archive/pages/dossier/id174/pg1/

Have to be careful as to what I do at work today as many big-wigs are around (not that they wear wigs anymore. We need to find a less cthnonic word).


A lot of work out there, both discussing the merits of popularly written science books and badly written science books.

Can someone tell me how I can be a freelance science writer? I've got a degree in science! Anything to get out of this place where everyone above production seems to think that they are doing such important things that the world will come to an end should we fail to satisfy their highnesses requirements, when all of them, up to the highest boss, are merely slaves to the monied beings..called THE CUSTOMERS. Yeah, they pay my salary too. Bleah.

One lesson I learnt from my job... Forget about climbing up the ladder to reach for that eponymous carrot. Trust me, the higher you go, the more likely it will be moved up. Work for your own money and for yourself. Be rich. Then you can dangle everybody's weenies. Yes, even that of the big big big obese boss you once worked for, and do sexist and politically incorrect things.



From a disgruntled employee

It has been a long week until today...

With three different deadlines, and the dissertation I did not manage to start revising, it had been a very long week.

Managed to complete the first two deadlines, and also migrated my website onto the new server, which has more funky features. As you might notice, the look for the blog has changed slightly. Meaning, there is now an archiving feature for my personal blog. This is to streamline the look and make it less chunky and more searchable. As the year goes on, there would be some changes here and there made to the look of the site. But being the busy person that I am, I can't be bothered to do too much tweaking at a time.

Work is both fine and boring. Have to deal with a lot of administrative and human problems. As well as technical problems. Consolidating amending acts into legislation publications is no fun way to spend the best part of one's day.

I'll write more when I feel less cranky.

NAM women's meeting

Taken from The Star, 9th May 2005

A good turn-out

DELEGATES from more than 76 countries who have confirmed participation in the NAM Ministerial Meeting on the Advancement of Women (MMAW) in Kuala Lumpur from May 7 to May 10 began arriving on Friday.

As delegates began to converge for registration, security at the Putrajaya International Convention Centre (PICC), where the meeting is being held, was tightened.

Women, Family and Community Development Minister Datuk Seri Shahrizat Abdul Jalil, as host minister, said she was pleased with the good response from NAM member countries towards the meeting.

The main objectives of the two-day meeting, themed “Empowering Women in Facing the Challenges of Globalisation”, are to share experiences among member countries on best practices, achievements, and gaps and challenges in empowering women; and on achieving gender equality, peace and development.

It was preceded by the Senior Officials Meeting (SOM), which was held on Saturday. Chaired by Women, Family and Community Development secretary-general Datuk Faizah Mohd Tahir, the SOM met to draft the Putrajaya Declaration on the Empowerment of Women in NAM countries.

The declaration will be considered for adoption on the second day of the Ministerial Meeting.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I hope that something good will come out of this meeting.

long weekend

It begun with me falling ill on Thurs. However, I still had to prepare for a presentation which I had to give on Saturday morning. Hence, between long drowses, I managed to scrap up a rough draft of the paper. Helps that I took half day off

Fri morning. On leave because I had lots of admin to take care of, including going to the police station to get my road accident case decision, and have them posted back to the workshop for insurance claim. It was a rather busy Friday. At night, finally managed to get my butt into the hotel where the seminar was going on, with a former lecturer of mine giving a talk on a paper which I had to comment on the next morning. Had to do a lot of fact-checking on what he said, and spent the time flipping through my reference book. After much problems, managed to get a room to stay for the night so that I need not make that arduous journey from home in the early hours of the day the next day.


Saturday was a long day. Talk went well. Many things happened. Shan't talk too much about it now as I am supposed to be working. It resulted on me being sleep deprived on Sunday because I couldn't get enough sleep on Sat ..arrgh

Anyway, now I have to settle down to sober work and earn my keep. Good news is, my univ has reimbursed some of the money I have spent on my dissertation research, which helps to ease the expenditure (especially since reimbursement is not in full). I wish I can get a nice part time job in publishing. Anybody wants to hire me? :/

Also, here is a link to an article I did on philosophy, in Malay. I have the English version. If anyone is interested to read or publish it elsewhere, in English, let me know.
Here is the Malay version Wittgenstein dan Popper: Benarkah Falsafah Mereka Berselisih?


Orite, back to work

Cheers!
Clarissa

A man who does not believe in magic

Erm, hope you can read Malay as I have no time to translate to English.
http://www.geocities.com/ummahonline/wawancara/050427uolteam-fathi.htm

Read an interview with Fathi Aris Omar on liberalism vs fundamentalism (or should it be read as extremism?) and about the man himself.

A day for crime

In between reading Lacan, I decided to listen to some music on the net. In powering up my
Realplayer , I came across an ad for a new movie about the infamous madame, Heidi Fleiss. Which of course led to some googling (not that I don't know about her already), which brought me to the crime library and an afternoon spree of reading through all the stories on criminals. This is not the first time I've been to this site, the last time being last year and an entire night spent on going through all the historical scums of the earth. However, after reading the brief story on Fleiss (what a coincident that a psychoanalyst mentioned by Lacan in his Ecriture I was reading is a Dr Fleiss, I decided to look at a few on child criminals, and one which caught my mind was one who used to be labelled "Long Island Lolita". However, she is now a far cry from the wild and troubled teenager, and has her own column. It is always heartening to read how someone who has fallen to the lower most pit of darkness has risen up and made something of her life, and now fight for causes that most people can't be bothered with. Here was a former juvenile murderer, a victim of statutory rapes (read her story in the Crime Library) and an unrelenting press who could not get enough of demonising her. Her column is defnitely NOT trying to vindicate herself of her follies, unlike the memoirs written by many adult criminals.
I wonder in a small country like Malaysia, would you have a chance to escape your demonic past?

Today is a public holiday in Malaysia. I am supposed to be home relaxing. I am home, relaxing (whenever I fall asleep) but reminding myself that I've got many deadlines. Sometimes I feel so very alone. Sometimes I feel sad. Sometimes, I just want to leave everything and disappear, to write and create without all these problems I am faced with. Give up all my responsibilities.

car batteries

I was just wondering today how to top up the electrolytes for my car battery, which is the flat-top Yokohama type.. And I found this site
http://www.tkyoko.com/eng/modules.php?name=products&file=yokohama-automotive_battery-flat_top

Looks like I don't have to use them saline watter anymore. :P

I think I should always ask about specs whenever I try something new. But I keep forgetting. :( Thank the good Lord for the Internet. :)

I appreciate comments from my car-geek readers out there.

women's careers and slate

I feel the need to share this article
http://www.boston.com/news/education/higher/articles/2005/04/08/summers_displays_new_understanding_of_womens_careers/

And I suppose some of you might already have encountered slate.msn.com? I think it is a cool way of utilising blog-style to create an online magazine. There is a vibrancy and cutting-edge feel to it.
What salon.com used to be like

A weekend to remember

Despite being tired out for most of the weekend (perhaps due to a grueling schedule of work and dissertation), I wasn't entirely in the mood to meet people. However, I was glad that I did and dragged my bum out to a nice little watering hole in KL to see some of the coolest women in town, some old friends, some new to me. It was a great night with much camaderie and fun. Though there were 2 men present, it didn't spoil the bond with women have with each other (sorry guys).

As someone coming from an all-girls school, I used to detest the site of coteries of the female sexes, not because I detest women, but because I had to put up with cattiness and pettiness from some members of my sex, an inevitable consequence of spending most of your mornings and a small part of an afternoon, 5 days a week, with members of your sex, except for the welcomed vacations. Hence, I often preferred the company of the other sex (not for reasons of boyfriends/partners) but because I found them a refreshing change. But, I soon discovered that boys (especially those in an old boys school) do have their form of prejudices and are not above belittling members of their own sex in front of the other sex.

Hence, all that we've learnt about the real world begun at school, if not from home.

But, I am glad that there were no exhibition of malicious behaviour in this gathering I attended, and everyone was supportive of one another. One to the girls (and the two guys)

Off-topic, the deadline for my dissertation is nearing, so you might find me posting here even less than I do now. Plus, I've got some other projects ongoing.

Take care, y'all

Dance Music

I am not much of a club goer but the following site entices me enough to want to go to such a club should I be near a place with such a site. (:

http://www.soxan.co.uk/about.html

More later. Back to work

Off-Day

Despite taking a break from work yesterday to sort ouf some problems at university, I found myself running around and busier than if I had been at work. The upside to it, I managed to get myself a traditional treatment massage that leaves my body feeling simultaneously sore and relaxed. And got my MyKad application done. Imagine the wait involved. I could have written an article during the wait. (:

So, back at work today, waiting for a product to come in for me to work on. Boring tax stuff, but then, the longer it takes to come, the more likely is it to interrupt my vacation plans in April. Anyhow, I am taking off for the entire final week of that month, whatever happens. Need to get a few overdued things sorted out. Like making that long-delayed trip to Singapore.

Today, I find myself multi-tasking as usual, simulltaneously reading postings about the effect of anaesthesia on conscioussness and Sohn-Rethel on Marxist theories. Talk about interconnected schizophrenia.

This is for the math and physics geeks out there (I am still a bit one of one, despite having defected over to the humanties).

http://www.ics.uci.edu/~eppstein/junkyard/sym.html

How do I ever end up in dead-end work. (:

Day of Torture

It always seems fun when you look at requirements for a job listing and one sees on it "Bloggers are most welcomed to apply" (:

Alright, back to topic. I chanced upon this site while looking through all the mails that come into my inbox. This is the American version of the Malaysia's Internal Security Act. However, as the former is a much bigger player that everyone is paying attention to, their (mis)conducts in their homeland garner great interests. Especially for a country with free speech guaranteed in its constitution.

Here it is
http://bad.eserver.org/editors/2005/Document.2005-03-15.0801901098

I haven't have time to explore the other links in the site but if you do, be prepared for merciless information bombardment of the abject kind.

And why am I even looking at this on a nice Saturday...:]

Project management

This might be helpful to anyone who works on any projects, personal or otherwise. I sometimes wish that people are more farsighted when planning for or working on anything. :)
http://www.informit.com/articles/article.asp?p=369224

Marriage is in..

Do you think it is possible to establishmarriage as a complimenting partnership between two forces who have decided to seek their fortunes and fates together, to merge resources and strengths as opposed to an institution that oppresses, represses, suppresses and depresses? There are so many conflicting and schizophrenic arguments going around about the value and problems of the marriage institution that it does require a strong constitution to remain sane.

another plain day for plain Clare and when books are called products....

I have been trying to settle into the daily grind of a day job and off-hours spent researching and writing up my dissertation. Hence the lack of posts. However, I am please to announce that I have gotten at least half of my dissertation done, with another half to go. Phew. I must say that having to discipline myself for work has helped in disciplining me when it comes to writing. I have never worked as fast in the past 6 months, since July last year, when it comes to anything to do with my dissertation. This could perhaps stem from the desire to get it done with and to move on with my life.

There isn't much to blog about work since I am still under training, with another 6 days to go. Perhaps I will have more interesting stories about work-place antics, deadlines, schedules and the various people I work with once I actually start working properly. When I look back, I realise that my life has changed so much from the time I was a pre-University students, doing things I never thought I would end up doing. I haven't achieved my dreams completely, but I do intend to head towards that direction. The only difficulty is in determining which dream I want to achieve, since I have so many different ambitions that go down so different routes. :P


On a different note, I am glad that I have done of the things I chose to do, though I sometimes regret the things I did not do. Yet, it has been a great life, challenging and always giving me something different, and many exciting things had happened to me these past few years . I am sure not everyone has the privilege to say that about themselves, since most complain that their lives are so dull. But I believe that it is up to you to make or break your own life.

Even though I am working in publishing now, it is not the kind of publishing that I see myself doing long-term. Firstly, this is quite entry-level (even if they do hire some more senior members of the press for this position), the products are of little interest to me (beyond the need to know a few things in order to get my life in order), and the work, from the sound of it, is pretty repetitious, mechanical and almost lifeless. Not only that, we are basically hired to put some poor souls from the first world out of work, as part of the cost-cutting enterprise. I doubt I need to expound on the merits of 'cheap' labour. But, I see it as a way of breaking into what I plan to do in the long run, as well as giving myself work experience. At least I can say that I have worked a number of years (inclusive of freelance, part-time and full-time positions) by the time I get my MA. (;

On a lighter note, reading this guy's blog reminds me so much of the work I am 'trained' to do. Welcome to the publishing sweatshop! Basically, my end of publishing would be the 'sharks' referred to.

http://11d.typepad.com/blog/2004/12/publishing.html

Cheerios

A day at work

This is officially my third day at work. While the first day (Monday) saw me at the new office in Cyberjaya, we (the new people) were asked to go to Raja Chulan as part of our training between Tues to Thurs, so here I am, in the heart of a very congested city. This is going to be my first time going to work on public transport (a bus and a monorail service).

So far, training has been just ok, with a lot of emphasis on the company's products. While I am not all that gungho about what they produce, it is nevertheless an interesting insight into what a non-traditional publishing business does. My nights at home are very boring, as one usually feels drained by the end of the day and at this point, I am still trying to get use to waking up so early everyday and being at work between 0900-1730 everyday. While not engaged in anything too taxing at the moment (beyond stealing time to complete my dissertation), being forced into a certain environment 5 days in a week can be depressing. I know that I will start appreciating the weekend more, especially after having had everyday a weekend for the past 2 1/2.

Anyway, I better go check what is in for today. If I feel like it or have time, I will blog later today. (:

To donate or not To donate

When disaster strikes and relief funds are set up all over calling for donations for those affected, you sometimes wonder how many of these are done genuinely to help the people and not a scam to reap money off gullible people. Perhaps the best thing to do is to give directly to the victims themselves, but sometimes it is not possible to do so, and even if you happen to be there, conditions is such that one would find oneself in a state of chaos and there will be difficulties separating between victims and quacks.

Perhaps it is in human nature to take advantage of others, that being the law of the jungle. Why should we be surprise to hear reports of criminal activities and malice whenever a disaster of massive scale happens, whether natural or man-made?

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/4145591.stm

I pray that the victims of trauma would be able to rebuild their lives and look forward to better things, though life is very bleak at the moment.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/talking_point/4145359.stm

Anyone with the expertise and ability to render help should give a hand as lots of hands are needed.

And hurray for the debt relief
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk_politics/4147277.stm

Back in Malaysia

Looking back at my previous posts, I am struck by their insipidness, especially in view of the subject I was writing about. For the past two weeks, I have been lacking in inspiration and slack in my writing, hence the dearth of imagination and scintillating arguments. Nevertheless, I will stem the tide of such unwarranted mediocrity and will spur myself on to provide my readers with more delectable semantics, that is if I still have any more readers. (:

I came back the week before, and took 4-5 days to recover from my jetlag (exacerbated by my lousy personal habits). In between trying to sleep and being extremely irritable, I managed to complete reading Georges Battaile's On Sensuality and Eroticism as well as Jacques Lacan's On Feminine Sexuality, the former being a book i borrowed and the latter bought from London. These two are required readings for myself since my dissertation utilises ideas from these two thinkers, and I believe that Malaysians too should read them, even if they do not agree with some of the ideas propounded, for in reading them, I could see bits and pieces of the Malaysian psyche and attitude within the extremities of some of the views. I know that it would be difficult to just walk into a bookstore to get them (after all, these aren't easily obtainable stuff even in the so-called enlighten nations), so I will suggest paying Amazon.com or Kinokuniya a visit and order them. As I do not have much time, I will not venture to review these books for you, though at a latter date, I will discuss some of the ideas in my blog. Suffice to say that Battaile is known for his obssessive interest in human sexuality and eroticism (having written fictional materials that seem to border on pornography for the less exposed or more uptight), with a unhealthy interest in the Marquis de Sade (from which the word sado-masochism is derived) whereas Lacan is much pre-occupied with his conceptualisation of jouissance, which suspiciously is about sexual pleasure. For more on them, don't be lazy and try Google.

Next week, I start work, so I better enjoy all that is left of my holidays, while trying to work on two chapters of my dissertation and start on the third. I wouldn't have much time for anything after this week *sob*. Last week, I posted a piece on the Tsunami under the News and Updates section (perhaps I should have posted it here instead) so if you haven't read it, go check it out here

That's all for now folks.

news from abroad part 2

Dag Alle,
I know that it has been some time since I have blogged here. A number of reasons, among them; inertia, illness, being out most of the time and plain laziness. I have been feeling all these since I got to The Netherlands from the UK. For some of you who have not experienced flying from London to Amsterdam, a tip for you all at the customs is that there is no such thing as freedom of movement between these two countries, so you have to go through the entire rigamarole at customs again, unless of course you have an indefinite entry pass or something equivalent, or have been in and out of the country often enough without incident.

Weather is usually blustery, and temperature can drop low enough to leave frost lying on leaves, grass and rivers the next morning. I saw hail only once in my two weeks here, but it was enough to keep me indoors the entire time. Hence the lack of blog. Not much to write about when you are stuck at indoors sleeping, reading, reading emails. surfing the net and doing all that one does back home (:

However, since I am currently living in a village at the outskirts of Central Utrecht, I managed to pay the town a visit, as well as Amsterdam and Delft. Unfortunately, I have not been able to go around as much as I like, due to bad weather and transportation prob (I live in a village and have no car). Life would have been simpler if I have rented a car, that would put me back by 300 euros per week, and the fact that everyone drives on a different side of the road would have limited my car-induced mobility. So I make do with freezing walks, buses, cabs(highly expensive) and trains. But since I can't go out as much, it isn't too bad.

Amsterdam is a charming city, interspersing old and new, sleaze and calvinism. Streets are much dirtier than other parts of the Netherlands I have visited, but it is a colourful place, and it has a Chinatown located in the red light district (albeit a tiny one). Trust the Chinese to operate from dodgy parts of European towns. It is also in the red-light district (the map will tell you where it is and the Dutch actually name that part of town Red Light District) that you can get really charming and interesting stuff, especially big second hand bookstores (*drool*). Utrecht and Delft on the otherhand are very Dutch, though one see some Indonesian-Chinese and Surinamese restaurants around, the way one would see HK and Indian/Pakistani restaurants in London. If you know a little German and a lot of English, you might be able to understand a few simple words here and there. Learning Dutch isn't too difficult if you are a German or English speaker, though I am told that it is harder to learn to pronounce in Dutch if you are a native German speaker. Oh yeah, did I mention that this is a place where you can buy cannabis biscuits and marijuana sells rather cheaply? If I ever stay here long enough, I'll invest in a bicycle and cycle around, carrying it on the train whenever I have to move between cities. Oh, clock towers are ubiquitous around here. You know you are at the centraal part of town once you see one. And the lovely canals.

I will write more later. Weather has turned for the better, so am planning for another outdoor excursion.

Tot ziens

New from Abroad Part 1

From the first day I arrived, this has been my sixth day in London, with around six more days to go. Most of the time has been spent getting things done (like posting letters, getting a mobile simcard) and orientating myself around (with a number of misses of course). I am beginning to learn more about this city, being forced to go around on my own since most friends are not availble a majority of the time. I discovered some interesting shops, streets and museums. Some quaint and some look like what you would see in big cities in Asia.

I've also managed to get a British Library reader's pass, which is valid for a year, so that means I can go to the Library anytime I want between now and early Dec next year, subject to possible renewal. Despite the fact that it is now housed in a building quite a distance away from British Museum, it has a nice scholarly ambience, even if it lacks somewhat in history.

In between shopping and sighs-seeing, I am please to say that I managed to get some research work done. Well, four days spent on sightseeing and shopping, and all the other days (except this Sunday and the next Mon when I will be flying off to the continent) will be spent in BL (though I can still go shopping after closing time (:, or maybe take in a museum of two, if they aren't close by then. Most public places tend to close, early, with the exception of libraries.

Cheers

Re-learning a language

I have only around 8 more days, including today, before I depart from Malaysia to another continent where I will be installed for a month. As such, I am busy trying to get everything done and meet as many of my friends as I can before the hiatus begins, well not real hiatus where my dissertation is concern but a hiatus nonetheless when it comes to income generating work and being contactable in Malaysia. (:

Being back to freelance for this period while I try to complete my dissertation requires some adjustments of to finance management and lifestyle, which though not cumbersome, is still thorny. I have to remember not to overspend when I am abroad, as I no longer have a regular income to come back to. At least for this short duration.

Another reason why I have not been posting is that on top of trying to write another chapter of the dissertation, I have also been involved with writing another article, in Malay (my fourth attempt between this year and last, and a longer piece at that), and that has sucked up most of my Eid Fitr holidays (not that I celebrate the occasion personally, though being able to go visiting or on a short cheap holiday somewhere would had been great). I am rusty when it comes to writing in the language, and it somehow lacks the verve and finesse that I have when writing in English (though I am far from being a polished writer of English at this point). The editor pointed out that my piece sometimes lacks coherence and contain too many repetitions and is clumsy. Looks like I would have to work from scratch when it comes to writing in Malay, having left it behind with my school days. And to think I am trying to learn German, and later Chinese. I hope I am not overloading my grey matter and escalating its breakdown. :P Anyway, with regard to the article, it is to come out in a book anthology. I will post more details under the news section when it is out, which would most probably be in December 2004.

I've still got a number of books to review which I will do next year when I get back. I would like to start writing a column somewhere next year, as a way of expanding my publishing career. Not sure where and how, though I know what. That remains to be seen...

Anyway, back to work. I am working from home again. Though I enjoy it, too much of it can get to me. (:

If anyone wants to offer me a job in publishing, advertising or anything related next year, please contact me. (:

Cheers
Clarissa

Dark times or return to the past?

I having been posting for awhile, especially since after leaving my job. The main reason being that I am no longer regularly in front of the computer as I used to be. Another thing is that too many things are happening in my life that needs lots of attention. And I am writing a book. :P

The result of the Nov 2 election left everyone in a shock as the Republicans gained control over America and its millions of citizens, snatching away the Congress and whitehouse from the Democrats. A dejavu comes over me as I see a replay, at a bigger scale, all that happened in my own country in the elections earlier this year. Except that while we had a new leader, America retained its leader, a leader that has been compared to Reagen. The dejavu I am talking about is suspected corruption and mishandling of the electoral system. Has something messed up big time, or have a majority of Americans become fundamentalists overnight? I see this no longer as a struggle between left and right, but a bigger problem of a system going from democratic to semi-totalitarian. Is the Camelot days over? But then, this is just my opinion.

I have posted here some of the debates and links related to the Nov 2 elections. Though we might want to ignore the outcome of the elections, the fact that the American government and foreign policies affect our lives means that we better sit up and stop being ignorant. One does not have to agree with all the views posted below, but it is good to weigh all your options.

It will be interesting to see what the White House has in store for the next year. I wonder if the New Yorker will still be featuring as much stories on US politics after the elections.



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From: Kevin Glynn
Reply-To: Cultural Studies
To: cultstud-l@mailman.acomp.usf.edu
Date: Sat, 06 Nov 2004 13:52:01 +1300
Subject: [cultstud-l] In Diebold Systems Inc. We Trust?

OK – there is for sure a right-wing populist lunatic fringe that spoke very loudly a couple days ago. But the other big populist story of “election” ’04 was the astonishing mobilization of anger from the hip hop generation to the elderly, from Springsteen and Eminem and Chuck D to the Dixie Chicks – anger over Iraq and the estimated 100,000+ killed there already, anger over the wholesale disenfranchisement of African Americans in 2000, anger over an insane Republican theocracy that is off the leash. And frankly I’m with Greg Palast (author of The Best Democracy Money Can Buy) when he says there’s no reason to put any faith in the official election results reported in states with unaccountable and unverifiable “black box” voting machines courtesy of Diebold Systems Inc. Call me a conspiracy theorist, but what better way to respond to a massive mobilization of really pissed-off first-time voters, young voters and other voters-who-don’t-usually-vote, than to get ‘em to stand in line in the rain for 8 hours just to teach them that all their mobilization meant nothing in the end after all. Hell, the Michigan Republican who said several months ago that “we’ve gotta do something to suppress the black vote this year or it’ll be our undoing” (or words to that effect) spoke to a profound sense of threat that was rampant throughout the whole right-wing kleptocracy called “our” government. THIS “president,” “elected” again under these global and domestic circumstances, in a fashion that apparently (and all too conveniently) puts to bed the controversy over the theft of the White House in 2000 and sets the stage for a radical restructuring of state power in the US, as well as potentially nipping in the bud a populist mobilization that just might feel newly emboldened to flex its “dangerous” muscles in future elections? Sorry, I’m just not buying it. It’s all too fishy. Something really stinks here. Here’s this from a computer science prof in the Netherlands (see http://www.electoral-vote.com/, and recall that exit polling is generally considered to be far more accurate than predictive pre-election polling, since it entails asking people who’ve just voted, how they actually voted):“Various people sent me mail saying that it is awfully fishy that the exit polls and final results were substantially different in some places. I hope someone will follow this up and actually do a careful analysis. Does anyone know of a Website containing all the exit poll data? If we go to computerized voting without a paper trail and the machines can be set up to cheat, that is the end of our democracy. Switching 5 votes per machine is probably all it would take to throw an election and nobody would ever see it unless someone compares the computer totals and exit polls. I am still very concerned about the remark of Walden O'Dell a Republican fund raiser and CEO of Diebold, which makes voting machines saying he would deliver Ohio for President Bush. Someone (not me) should look into this carefully. The major newspapers actually recounted all the votes in Florida last time. Maybe this year's project should be looking at the exit polls. If there are descrepancies between the exit polls and the final results in touch-screen counties but not in paper-ballot counties, that would be a signal. At the very least it could be a good masters thesis for a political science student. The Open voting consortium <http://www.openvotingconsortium.org/> is a group addressing the subject of verifiable voting.”Things are just too smelly here. The bill that would have required all states to use verifiable voting machines has been stalled for months in the Republican Congress. Jeb Bush has flatly refused to install the paper trail that would actually benefit him by making the Florida 2004 result appear credible. Ditto in Ohio (for months labeled the “new Florida” of 2004). But don’t look for this story on Fox News! For more on Diebold, point your browsers here:http://www.jewishtimes.com/2435.stmFor Palast's latest account of this year's sequel to the theft of democracy in 2000, see:http://www.tompaine.com/print/kerry_won.phpOn the prospect of Diebold rigged elections forevermore, see:http://www.alternet.org/The theorists of “Election” 2004 are Gramsci and Baudrillard: the declared, official result may well be a simulacrum designed to subvert the formation and mobilization of a progressive bloc. Yes – a simulated election, complete with long queues, record turnouts, a pre-programmed (Diebold), down-to-the-wire outcome, and even a few minor "reported incidents" of voter obstruction, etc. It would be the perfect "model" of democracy in action (as Baudrillard might put it). What more legitimating spectacle could Bush and his despicable cronies wish for?-kevin


From: winna rae
Reply-To: Cultural Studies
To: Cultural Studies
Date: Fri, 5 Nov 2004 21:40:18 -0500
Subject: Re: [cultstud-l] In Diebold Systems Inc. We Trust?

http://www.blackboxvoting.org/There's also the question of the county in Ohio where over 4000 peoplevoted for Bush.One problem.There are only about 600 registered voters there.http://www.dailykos.com/story/2004/11/4/224812/643

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From me-
For a history of the electoral system, check out the government website at http://usinfo.state.gov/products/pubs/election04/

And you can hear views from all sides here
http://www.watchblog.com/

Recap of news in the run-up to the elections.
http://www.worldpress.org/Americas/1865.cfm

Some require subscription, but you can read the free news
http://news.ft.com/indepth/uselections

And my favourite online newspaper for all these news would be
http://www.nytimes.com

And here are some archives of America's brutal domestic past
http://www.jimcrowhistory.org/home.htm
http://americanradioworks.publicradio.org/features/remembering/

hysteric

Sometimes, when we put ourselves in the hands of others, we either experience tender mercies or brutal assaults. Perhaps this is related in some ways to the human capacity for mercy and cruelty, both sides of the same coin (a cliche nonetheless).

When women, who are often typecasted as emotional, hysterical, and insane, fall prey to the straitjacketing of institutions and society bound on forcing them into unmitigating docility, they become easy targets for abuse and maltreatment, just because they have been labelled as unstable or unreliable, hence their voices ignored.

Below is a link to website on how women who seek or are forced into psychiatric treatment have been abused and patronized. You have hear of a various famous women creative types who finally descended into the final abyss of mental darkness, thrust into that role by societal's iron fists. Freud, the pioner of psychoanalysts, could not understand why his female patients complained of sexual abuse, had labelled them as hysterics, thus turning back the clock on psychology.

Here is an account of legendary, beautiful and volatile movie star, Frances Farmer. I am sure the world over would have similar stories to share.
http://www.cchr.org/art/eng/page34.htm

The setting up of institutions to hide away society's unpresentable and outcast, and treating them as less than savages highlights our fear of what Kristeva will call the abject. Frances's case became well known because of her fame and beauty. But what if similar circumstances happened to an uknown person? Women, in the words of the philosopher-semiotician, are abject beings, as are all associated with them.

Tennessee Williams have vowed a dark and horrific vengeance on Blanche in The Streetcar Named Desire when he had her institutionalised for insanity, after being raped by her brother-in-law.

pertinence of cultural studies

Here is something that might be of interest to some of you. It is about cultural studies at a crossroad, and I paste a quote here that is pertinent to as many fields as it is to cultural studies

"But there is another question regarding the "where" of cultural studies. Where might it be found? That is, in one sense, a where (what) is our object of study, our project, that which we want to elucidate or engage and, secondly, where might we find cultural studies being done (and maybe a third question of when ). On what terrain or plateau might we look?ot dig? From many accounts the "where" is a bit of a worn out place. Someplace we've certainly been before and someplace from which bombs have been lofted our direction for years. It's the economy stupid. In this conjuncture junction, where the function is to hook up logics, and peoples, and products, and politics, we're not clear how it is that this time, via an understanding of the new conjuncture, cultural studies will be able to make a difference in a way that it hasn't in the past."

http://info.interactivist.net/print.pl?sid=04/10/02/2021233

Could it be that we are now suffering from the overlapping of fields? Many new-fangled undergraduate and posgraduate courses that have sprung up from the growth of various new fields has led me to think of Hannah Arendt's essays on "Crisis in Education" and "Crisis in Culture" found in her book "Between the past and future", how we often miss the woods for the trees. More on those two later as I will need to revisit them before I can comment further. (:

As I look back...

Dear readers,
I am now a year older. Much has happened, some for the worse some for the better. Each and every experience that comes knocking at my door, and turning my life upside down, have a sweet and bitter aftertastes. I learn to see myself and to know myself better, to question everything that I have let slide or take for granted. Sometimes I bemoan the dullness of my life, yet when excitement comes, I collapse too easily in exhaustion. A bottle of contradiction, I am.

On a different note, I have updated this page with more links from friends (you can check it under Links of Interest, and have decided to link a published poem of mine. Yes, I am pathetic. Only have one measly piece published. I haven't have time to think and write creatively, though I have notes and jottings here and there that could be turned into poetry, given time. I am still new, and a rather unpolished writer. There is too much that I still need to learn and I will need to apprentice myself to a great poet/writer, as what other great poets/writers have done (though I am not considering myself great). While I am sometimes too tired to write, I can't give it up, as it is my life, part of what constitutes me. To not write, is to be crippled. I have a number of unpublished drafts that I will be working on as and when time permits. I have even tried writing in Malay, and I will continue to do so.

This is a busy week, so I shall stop here. Feel free to drop me words of inspiration. (:

Love,
Clarissa.

pr0n

Here is an article on the amount of smut in cyberspace
http://www.sociology.org/content/vol003.001/boeringer.html

Gimme your rubbish and the horror genre

Heh, saw this on Guardian today. If you ask me, it seems as if the recycling industry is either overloaded, understaffed or not properly managed. Can one make a living just recycling stuff?

http://www.guardian.co.uk/waste/story/0,12188,1308278,00.html


Some of you out there might have read series of thrillers, horrors and gothic stories. It wouldn't be very different if I just take a story written since the eighteenth century and transplant that to modern day news on crimes. Better still if they could be serialized in tabloids. Coming to think of it, they USED to be serialised in tabloids. (:

I am so addicted to Dvorak's Symphony in E Minor for some reason. Must be the mood thing again.

Here is an interesting bit in Guardian again about ten year olds in Britain. They aren't too different from the kids in Malaysia, if thou were to read kiddies and teenaged (under 15) weblogs. :D

http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk_news/story/0,3604,1299466,00.html

I am not that old, but I feel ancient whenever I say that kids have greater access these days, for better or worse. I can't decide as to when I think is the best time to be born, as one can only look to the past, but can't predict the future.

Rape is Rape

To all those still new to the idea of gender relations, to sex and violence, marriage, etc, you will do well to read this http://www3.malaysiakini.com/letters/30115 .

I find it reprehensible that a few pea brains and rotten apples among the Malaysian men are giving Malaysian men in general a bad name for being backwards and chauvinists. And I find it idiotic that there are some who condescend to argue every dot and commas in this idea of marital rape instead of looking at the bigger picture, and finding profitable solutions.

To all the women who are reading this. Do not be afraid to walk it alone if you have to. I am sure you have friends and family members who could lend support of some sort. Leave crap behind and flush it down the toilet where it is due. Unfortunately, never in our training have we ever been taught how to make good choices, and learn to face up to the responsibilities of our actions. We have not been taught how to relate to people, even as we score As in our academic subjects in schools. Hence, it is pretty normal to see a super-achieving woman going out with a complete loser who beats the brains out of her. So if the educated among us are willing to suffer shit, how are you going to get those from more inimical backgrounds to fight for change. As women with choices, we are duty bound to make good ones and set the examples for our less fortunate sisters.

So apt that I am reading about the abject this Sunday afternoon. :D

Cheers all

Church and Sex

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

economics of recycling

Out of a guilty conscience, I have taken into the habit of trying to recycle as many things as I can. That interest took a dive for awhile, and something in my mind just forced me to look into my wasteful habits. One example. I packed food into my room today, with polystyrene packaging. I had to throw one pack away because it was too oily and also because I accidentally broke it, though I kept one to put my other foodstuff in. Guilt rides high prior to that and I googled this out

http://www.polystyrene.org/environment/econ.html

so, how well does recycling help in saving the environment (and in assuaging our guilt conscience)? We need all our chemist, environmental technologists and environmental economists to help us out!

I am hungry still so going to have some crackers.

Letter to the world

The line breaks differ from the original piece I sent it, and some sentences have been edited out. Nevertheless, my voice punctuates it. Some parts of the argument seem hollow and could had been better explicated. But as it was getting late and since this is just a letter, I thought I would leave it at that, since I don't want to risk it getting longer than it already is, or revise the entire thing. (:

Here it is
http://www3.malaysiakini.com/letters/29914

Good night for today.

Get past me

Spent the weekend either talking to friends or reading. I actually managed to read 2 essays of Hannah Arendt, 5 essays of Rosseau, looked through a book my friend wrote, browsed through another for possible review, read 2 books of Aristotle's Physics and actually begun reading a book on conservative Christian theology. I even caught a play (a bit marred by an audience with a fixation of the scatological-perhaps a sign of the repressed?). I did everything except.....work on my dissertation...uh oh. Oh well, I promise to spend today (though I would attend a party in the evening) and tomorrow (a National Day public holiday, not celebrating so would most probably be at home) working on my dissertation. Somehow, I don't feel all that patriotic, knowing that the day that we are celebrating is just another long list of nationalist propaganda and revised historiography.

Looking at this left me with bad taste in my mouth (and mind) . These girls are either so clueless that they have no idea that they are a fodder for burlesque and carnivalesque camp, or they are just desperate enough to do anything for a few seconds of fame and money (if they win). So much for ERA. It seems that a number of them come from the Bible belt part of the USA (go figure. I wonder what would Iran think of their women start taking part in competitions like these). It seems that Stuff has now come to Malaysia. Why is it that only magazines like these ever come to Malaysia? Is it because they think that Malaysians love magazines like these? Or that they have money to branch out to a small country like Malaysia? Or that they are desperate to increase their sale? With so many gadget, sex and lifestyle magazine around, I wonder how would they survive? Or do men never tire of cheap titillation?

Anyway, for something inspiring, I found this blog when looking in my email.
To all Malaysians, enjoy your public holiday. Remember to make it a meaningful one.

To the rest who might not have a holiday, well you will get your turn. (:

Christian Education

Having all these debates and things going on, as shown by the links below, really makes one rethink the aim of education. As a start, I will post some links on religious education in the US, which usually means bible colleges and Christian centric home-schooling. You will find it interesting to note that there is no unanimous voice in how it should be done, but that it should be done.

http://www.commondreams.org/headlines04/0421-09.htm
http://www.google.com.my/search?q=cache:688CqK4CKNsJ:www.pepperdine.edu/provost/Library/Benne-Athens%2520and%2520Jerusalem.pdf+engagement+between+bible+colleges+and+secular+education&hl=en
http://www.homeschooldigest.com/ERodd.htm

It is late and I am tired so I will discourse more another day. Goodnight.

The right to Protest?

I wonder what would happen if someone protests at the UMNO General Assembly. Definitely would not be a pretty picture.

http://www.rncprotestrights.org/rights-bust.html
http://www.villagevoice.com/blogs/kamenetz/

Ealy morning blog

I thought that it would be good, for a change, to start my morning, from home, by making a blog entry.

The good news is, all the journals to whom I have submitted my academic writing have acknowledged receipt of my articles (which is a far cry from what used to be two years ago). I had to resend a number of the articles after not haven't heard back from some of the publications I sent to (despite having received the acknowledgement 2 years to 8 months ago) even after emailing them and giving them a wide space of time to reply. At least one of the other articles were rejected on first attempt and had been revised further (problem with my style, apparently. Damn, I need to learn how to write academic papers properly) so I am sending it in again. There is another article which I have decided to send to a literary as opposed to a scholarly journal, as I felt that it is more of a critical essay than a scholarlyly one (despite having written it for class).

Anyway, if any gets rejected, I think I will just post it on my website as sample of my student work (heh) and to share with you guys, in case any readers here ever have to research any of the topics. At least 2 of my essays are now on two different literary websites and from what I gather, widely read (or at least looked at). I am always glad to know that there are people out there who are interested in my work.

The end of summer is approaching, so that would mean that all those erstwhile academics who have put me on hold while they jetset around the world would finally respond to me. I sometimes wish I have more time and money to do that (not that I haven't been doing that, just that I aint doing that as often as I wish). My travelling here and there explains why I have little savings, that despite working 3 jobs at one point :P. Ok, only one of it paid well (that being my regular job, the others are just freelance).

I finally got my copy of Paris Review, after having to wait for customs to approve it. It is one thick, paperbound, quarto size pack, with loads of poems! And of course some critical essays. I am keeping that at work so that I could read a bit a day. I was supposed to be doing some work yesterday (when I got back after dinner) but as I was down with a bad cold but with no inclination to sleep yet, I decided to look at some blogs and newspaper articles at random. I am not yet back to my old self, but am feeling much better this morning than yesterday night, when I had dinner with a friend and his friends. They are an interesting bunch, except that I wasn't feeling perky.

Anyway, while looking around for websites on modernism, I came across this site that I would like to log here for my own reference and for you to click on :P

Cheers!

psychosis

Working on Plath can sometimes push me into a state of melancholia.

Here is an article that might be of interest to you guys. It is on Evolutionary Psychology .

I am now looking around for more works and articles that have ever been written on Plath. If anyone of you out there reading this knows someone who is or is a Plath scholar, please email me. I would like to pow-wow with you. (:

Health conscious

I have been particularly health conscious, going for health checks for every little sign and symptom that might be a probable diagnosis to a disease. Such meticulous attention has less to do with hypochondria but more to do with the awareness that I am not getting any younger and the world at large is getting unhealthy, due to unnatural and natural courses (from the frenetic modern day lifestyle to mutations of viruses). Hence, when I pricked myself with a needle while sewing yesterday, I decided to go see the doctor and get vaccination againt possible Tetanus. Sure enough, the doctor gave me a dose of the adsorbed tetanus toxoid. For those of you who are not in the know (I wasn't until yesterday), there was a shortage of vaccines due to the discontinuation of its production by one of the pharmacological companies. However, the problem of supply has been resolved, and those who have not had an anti-tetanus injection in years might want to think about getting a booster shot. Find out more about the drugs at
http://www.ashp.org/shortage/tetanus-update.cfm

To look at research done on the impact of postvaccination antibody anti tetanus response, you can go to this article online at
http://iai.asm.org/cgi/content/full/67/11/5951

Going for regular medical examination (at least once a year) is good for your soul. At least it serves as warnings and reminders when you misbehave.

Religion and politics

When religion and politics are merged, does it mean that the underclass(the non-patricians) will suffer from over-zealous, bigoted, narrow minds who think that they have been called to decide what is good or bad for them?

Check it here
Girl got executed for "Sharp Tongue"
To the women:Sleep with the Mullah if you want your rights

I used to naively think that religion can make you a better person. Yeah right. It just allows the unpopular, short, and ugly kid fo exact his or her revenge, in the name of God/Allah/Yah-Weh.

I supposed the reason the People of the Book get so much bad press is because there are more of us to screw around with the other people (both of the Book and not of the Book).

Friday Night in August

Here am I, sitting before a computer on a night when Sylvia Plath would be looking for dates (if she wasn't staying in like me). Yes, I am obssessed with the subject of my study. But it is a healthy obssession, and hopefully would give birth to a new book.

I often wonder, and still do, why do I do what I do. Why do I sit in a table, with three other people that I barely know, and watch them talk, and hear their uncomfortable silences, as they try to make conversation with each other, under my unmoving gaze. Perhaps it is to derive comfort in the company of strangers? Or to discover a different world that I have never inhabited. Why do I crack my head so hard, working on a book (which will begin life as a dissertation), when I could just hav fulfilled minimal requirements and get my Degree. But then, is that the reason why I embarked on that course of study? What is the use of a paper qualification in Literature if one does not have an enriching experience to accompany it?

I would like to share an article by feminist, Katha Politt, that I have googled up. I first read her when one of her opinion essays was published in New Yorker, talking about how she would webstalk her ex-lover by googling and searching online for what tenuous connection there was to him. Strange for a feminist to do that, you say? Well, feminist or no feminist, sometimes the heart and emotions get the better of us. I have been guilty of googling up people, from former lovers to former lovers of lovers. Friends and acquaintances have also been web-checked (or webstalked) by me. So, what can I say ? :P

I have bought another New Yorker (Aug 2 issues, they come late over here in Malaysia) and a collection of short stories by Italo Calvino. It seems that I would forgo all the girly stuff, namely clothes, shoes, bags and make-up just to save up money for books and more books. I wouldn't even buy anything beyond the printed material when I travel abroad to Europe, though I make the exceptions when I go to places like Thailand and Indonesia. As a colleague says, my sense of fashion is often disastrous (due to the fact that I don't really have enough clothes to match for all 5 days of work and so I end up with mismatched items. I tend to have more casuals (Read T-Shirts, pants and shorts) than work or party wear (which can be counted with my toes and fingers, though they look like more when I mix and match with more casual shifts). I only have one unbroken bag (bought at some cheap sale in my hometown up north), 6 pairs of shoes (including two pairs of heels, one an old fashion black strappy pair I got from a sale in London) and a pair of sandals. I do like manicures and pedicures ( I treat myself to them once a month or once in two months, and not always doing both simultaneously), hair treatments for problematic hair and scalp(which I now decide to do myself to save) and even facials when my skin looks stressed up (and this is because I actually have a full-time job for a change). I guess I can save myself from having to do the latter two if I just bloody move out of the city, which is what I would do, once my current contract ends (I need to save money then). It is the cause of my skin and hair problems, and the fact that I live in a hole without a kitchen precludes me from ever being able to cook, hence creating dietary problems as well.

I suppose I should stop here instead of boring you with the more frivolous aspects of my life. Back to New Yorker...

Some technology links

I don't have a lot to say at this point, except that many of the people I know and friends will be flying abroad to further their studies between this month and next. I wish them well and I will miss seeing them around here. I look forward to the day when I could also spread my wings and fly.

On a different note, I would like to share some interesting tehcnologically-related links that I have found via emails and from my compulsive surfing habits.

DNA Programming - Will this trump Moore's Law which says that the number of transistors in the integrated circuits will double annually.

Handheld viruses
http://www.informit.com/articles/printerfriendly.asp?p=327990
http://www.informit.com/articles/article.asp?p=327994

Currently reading the Communist Manifesto and will be reading Julie Kristeva.

Another week has passed

The reason why I haven't been posting for the whole of last week was because I had to mediate between preparing and attending a big conference in Malaysia for three days, and getting chores done, which includes clearing up my room. After a day long event which includes getting up at 6:15-6:30 every morning to travel 60 km down south and back, I am usually too tired to attempt anything useful. The process of sorting out my room included recycling paper, recycling bottles, and recycling some last year's issues of Malaysia's Edition of Marie Claire. I profess to reading women's magazines (well, usually only Marie Claire) to gauge the current conditions of popular culture in this country. While it titillates the eyes with its visuals, its featured products and stories both corny and serious, it is a good way to find out about current trends and the effects of magazine reading. While I would like to stave away every magazine I have for research purpose in the near future, I know that it would take up space, that despite the fact that I have not bought a lifestyle magazine in months (excepting free copies of a men's magazines that I used to get as a writer for them). Hence, I gave at least three copies away and would bring the rest back to my hometown for storage.

Btw, people, when you ever throw anything into recycling of donation bins, please read the labels on top. In one donation bin somewhere in the south of Petaling Jaya, Selangor, Malaysia, a number of people have thrown in old shoes where they are supposed to be throwing in reading materials. Plus a moron or two who threw in their rubbish. Blooming idiots.

Btw, if you are interested to know what conference I have been attending the past week, you can check it out here. Much work is needed to refine and revise the paper that I have presented. I think they will post the papers online later.

I would like to report that my dissertation research is making progress. Now, if only there are more hours in a day.

The week is coming to an end. It has been productive, despite the occasional hiccups here and there. I am proud to announce that my dissertation project is finally underway, and I had shortlisted areas which I would be working on. Now, I just need to get my preliminary report out and chart the framework of my chapters.

I need to prepare myself to moderate for a seminar tomorrow. Drats, that means no late night for me today. And to think that it is Friday ):

Going for a friend's housewarming this Sunday. That promises to be loads of fun. We might even be catching Michael Moore's latest film.

Life is looking up for me as I managed to pull myself out from the rut of never ever starting on my thesis. I need to get it done as soon as I can so that I could get on with life before I become too old.

Maybe I will blog more this coming weekend, if I have anything else to say...

 

We move in different worlds....

I am sure that you would already have read about things like this in the other blogs, about how people are never satisfied with what they have or what others have. I am certain that many of you have seen the bitchings and mud-slingings that go on in other public internet forums and even newsgroups. How we all seem to have a great capacity for passing judgements and make bitchy remarks about others, even those who have not done anything to harm us or anyone else. I know that I can be guilty of this sin.  And I do know that I, and many other people reading this, have a superiority complex when dealing with other people that we deemed inferior to ourselves. In my case, the fact that I am able to contain such feelings is because I have gone to school, university and work in jobs with all sorts of people from all walks of life. I do get to hear about what they do and their lives. And I do know that not everyone always make the choices that they make out of freewill. It is often dictated by a necessity to survive, to live on in a world screwed up by humans. It is always easy for us to think that we are not them, therefore there is no need to empathise but we never realised how fucked up we really can be until we are thrown into similar situations. Perhaps we need to stop being such a navel-grazing generation, ne c'est pas ?

In 1969

Monday night gave a pretty stimulating event, something one seldom find in Malaysia, due the level of intellectual depth of most of its people. Beth Yahp gave a reading of her short story " In 1969". I hope that it could get translated into other languages, so that other people would be able to read it for themselves. Even if you do not identify with the contents of the story (it is about a black part of Malaysian history), you would still enjoy the voice of the narrative, of the narrator of the story. Its use of language and imagery is powerful and poetic, even if Beth does not consider herself a poet (:
 
The reading was followed by a discussion of the invisible or silenced voice. Of whether one should or should not write about something. THe censorship that follows it, whether internal or external. The people who feel that they have to earn a living and maintain a precarious position in the society. People who feel too repressed from talking about black history, race, nationality, ethnicity and sexuality. Even Beth, a Malaysian writer with the full freedom to write whatever she wants abroad, is faced with this dilemma. Would one hurt the people one is closed to? Or is one able to cut of such ties and write with a vengeance, come sorrow or pain. Write in order to tell the truth. But then, many of us in this postmodern age seem to regard the truth as subjective. I beg to differ. History or Herstory is subjective. But not the truth.
 
If none of you have heard of Beth Yahp, just google her. She comes up quite a lot.
 
I take my inspiration from her, and I hope to be as great a writer not too far in the future. I am not growing younger everyday after all.
 
Fictional narrative provides an alternative explanation to the supposed objective history, when everyone now knows that there is no such thing as objective history. History is what we know or choose to remember. But fiction could play a part in reawakening interest in history, a subject badly taught and much magligned by the education system in Malaysia, and most probably elsewhere.
 
 
 

I am an idiot, but so are you..

Oxymoronic quotes overheard

"I love to read but this book has got too many words"

"I am not prejudiced, but I can't stand Malaysians, Indians, Afrikaneers, Thais, Chinese, Indians, (insert whatever other races/nationalities that come into your mind)"

"I am doing a PhD now but I can't stand the subject I am researching on. I will do it anyway, for the PhD. Beats working."

"I love to write poetry, but I don't read poetry."

Best things that people ever said to me (though I didn't like the context in which some were said at that time). Interesting how the same people(some of them, not all) did not take their own advice.

"Don't you ever fall into a rut."
"The world does not owe you a living or respect. You earn it."
"You are too self-centred. Think of those around you for a change."
"Always live your dreams, no matter what. Don't let frustrations and obstacles stop you."
"Capitalise on whatever strengths you have."
"Do you want to be part of a problem or part of a solution?"

Hmm, can't think of more. Let you know when I do *wink*

of cattle shows and beauty pageants

This is quite a lousy day for me, suffering from a stomach flu that reduced me to running to the toilet every 1 to 2 hours. Horrid. Since I can't get in to work today, I thought that I would alternate between sleeping, eating (bread is all I can ingest without too much ado), and surfing the net. Currently at my friend's place, but will be going home soon to mull for the rest of the day.

Here are some interesting things that I had picked up from the NET. It started with me innocently going to other ppl's blog (I read blogs when I am feeling too mashed up to really concentrate on anything heavier). There is this ongoing debate about what is beauty, what is a beauty pageant and who has the right to represent. Thought that I should post it here for my readers to peruse.
http://n1kki.frens.net/archives/2004/06/02/miss_malaysiauniverse.html
http://www.nicsteronline.com/archives/000908.html

One thing that I do agree about, with regard to international competitions, regardless of the principles behind it (be it a showcase of true talent and hardwork or a cattle show of flesh), it has to go by standards. Being optimistic, brave and irrepressible does not make me a suitable candidate to represent my country at whatever it is that I wish to do. That has to be won through true skill and ability. That, my friends, differentiate a solid performer and a wanna-be. I would like to be a good poet someday, and I am brave enough to work towards it. But if I am talentless, all the hardwork and sheer gumption would only give me 15 minutes of fame, and I would most probably be pelted with rotten tomatoes, like Mcgonagall

I am still so not very well ):

Money, money, money

Sometimes, I wonder whether I should work for money or for love. It would be good to combine both and become a millionaire one day. To know that you have all the money in the world to spend without worrying about creditors and debts can be quite exhilarating. It could also lead to one's downfall if one spend indiscreetly. But then, I would definitely like to give it a try in making as much money as I could, without crushing too many people. But then, it is hard to be filthy rich without crushing people in the process, right?

I must say that this is a funny article from express India.
http://www.expressindia.com/fullstory.php?newsid=32353#compstory

Talking about money, there has been much speculation about China's supposedly burgeoning economy. Naysayers think that it would burst. I am still trying to understand China's economics, so there is not much that I could add now, but I will provide the links that I feel is useful in the further understanding of China.

postmodern science and some personal tidbits

I have recently finished reading Luce Irigaray's "The Sex Which is Not One", a book that compiles a collection of her writings and interviews that have been translated into English. I will discuss more on it later. Suffice for me to say for now that she refutes many of the attitudes that Freud took with regard to the question of feminity. I found some interesting quotes that I could use for an academic essay that I am working on, and will tell the rest of you once it is published (somewhere *wink*). I also googled for Sandra Harding, a feminist philosopher of science, and will be getting her book from the library later today, the title being, "Is Science Multicultural". Go google out the book yourself, you lazy uns :P. And in my search, I found an essay critiquing her work, which I have not properly read through as I was busy with Irigaray yesterday (stayed late at work just to finish her). Anyway, you can check it out yourself at http://www.uno.edu/~asoble/pages/HARDING.htm .

Also, thought that I should mention that this blog appeared here. Must be due to the fact that I have linking out of me blog to a few urls that you will see on the site. And a search for Clarissa's Blog does rank it quite high, though there are other Clarissas around. Indulge my ego for a bit :D

Anyway, that's all folks. Til later.

Requiem For A Dream

Just a few days ago, I was watching the film, Requiem For A Dream,about addiction (to everything, from tvs to drugs). The underlying motif that run through the entire film is the fact that the characters in them have no hope, felt crushed, unwanted, alone, lonely, bored, self-hatred. They were mostly ordinary people, though one was initially a rich kid who finally had to prostitute herself to feed her habit. It is as much a critique of the American culture (the kind of food that leads to obesity, the repetitive and trancelike television shows, the holier-than-thou attitude, poverty, materialism and self-centredness). This darkly hints on the direction that Malaysia is spiralling into, with rising crime and psychotic people, that not stemming from a lack of morals (after all, they have all these moral and religious education rammed down the kids throats from an early age), but from lack of direction, goals, self-hatred, boredom, complacency, selfishness and everything that we see as happening in many first world countries. Seeing how the world has evolved, be they war-torn countries like many of the countries in the African continents and some in the Middle East, dictatorships in Latin American countries and most parts of Asia, or supposed democracy in the US, my belief in social Darwinism grows stronger everyday. We want and we need values, yes, but why aren't as practising it? Moralising aout all these things, as many institutionalised religions are apt to do, will not solve the issues, especially when many of their own people are the perpetrator of some of the most heinous conducts. It merely skims over things and dissolves us from the responsibilities of thinking further and to look beyond our mini-Pinochio noses. However, while I do not believe totally in the cold objectivity of social Darwinism, I believe that society will become self-destructive deal to its lack of altruism. This brings me to an article I read about anthropology in this magazine called 21st Century Science and Technology , which accuses this discipline of empiricising and othering non-White cultures. While my piece here is not going to go into the epistemological arguments in the article, a particular paragraph caught my attention. Since I do not have the magazine with me now (I am at work after all), I will paraphrase it for my readers. It says that when anthropologists go to certain 'primitive' cultures to study them, they make the empirical and ethnographer assumption that such there is uneven evolution within the human species, hence there are the very developed Aryan race (as the neo-Nazis would be proud to say) and the undeveloped, almost simian-like, Aborigines. What the anthropologists failed to address, the article claimed, is that these so called 'primitive' cultures could have been leftovers, or marginal groups, of a lost civilization, or one that is destroyed. I find this fascinating, as the level of knowledge of the average person of the great civilizations of the past is almost nil. Many can't even name the civilizations, let alone know why they fell. It seems that our education has failed in this regard, when we have postdocs and even some academics who do not know or understand what could have destroyed a supposedly sophisticated society. Perhaps we have doomed ourselves to repeat the mistakes of the past. When people like Darren Arofnosky and other non-mainstream publications (the fact that they are non-mainstream already marginalised them and hamper their ability to reach to the average Joe or Jane) try to rub some form of awareness into us via their art or creation, we often choose to ignore them. The people I know who have watched this film, which is the title of this post, agrees that showing impressionable kids the stuff in all their gory bits (even if it could be traumatic, but that is where the parents and more mature adults-note the use of the word 'mature'-is there to explain things to them) rather than moralising to them, serve as a stronger deterrent. Don't you agree?

Wasted Education

My friend and I were reading through Jeff Ooi's archive and we found a story on LimKokWing. HAving only spent 3 months in a private college (the sum of my private education), I am not able to comment too much, though from what I hear from college students of private institutions, the Education Ministry has failed in regulating the setting up of colleges, accreditation of the institutions and even in checking on the quality of the teaching staff, facilities, internal examinations and course contents. I have attended an interview for a job as a lecturer with a private college. They put me through some role-playing, by having me present a short lecture to a 'class' that consists of my interviewers. They seem impressed enough and I was shortlisted for an interview with the MD. That was where I met my Waterloo. Firstly, he thought my asking price was too high (due to my youth and my lack of consistent full-time work experience. Apparently, my past part time teaching experience and other related work experiences do not count) and from the way the interview went, I had a feeling that he was more interested in how much he could milk out of me for minimal pay. I was pretty appalled that the lecturers who were more senior than me were paid less than my asking price, which I felt was it was in a fair range (=RM2500) based on my past experiences and the amount of responsibilities I have to take on if I was to be given the post.

While waiting for that interview with the college's MD, I chatted with a fellow interviewee, whose idea of teaching college was teaching a tuition class (I wonder if she got the job), but I guess they must be impressed enough (or desperate enough) to pass her on for the second interview.

Anyhow, throughout the final interview, the MD seemed less interested in my teaching capabilities and how I could contribute to the students' and college's educational achievements (as to whether it existed or was I faking it) than how much he could pay me and all the roles that I was to assume as a "team-player" in a "corporate"-like environment. Needless to say, I never got the job.

While I would never deny the fact that many of the lecturers who decided to take up lecturing despite of the bad pay (though if you are some acclaimed professor from a public university, you can go in for a good position and higher pay. It is all about publicity) do it for the love, there are many others who do this job because no one in the industry or anywhere else would hire them. It is the second breed that we should be most concerned with, as there are more of them in private colleges, than the first breed. And also with the money grasping directors of colleges. What can one do when share-holders are more interested in profit margins than quality of education? After all, they see such ventures as a business, regardless of whose lives such ventures would affect.